A Wednesday

In no mood to talk of the great movie where Naseeruddin Shah stunned all of us with yet another spectacular performance. This is about the coming Wednesday.

Sunday night. Another new week that beckons for Monday blues.

What will be different is that, come this week- I shall await the Wednesday and NOT the Friday. I claim to be in all senses, not clinically certified though.

I am gonna bunk office, be home all day with an early start of the day pretty well in advance. An early shower and Koffee. Prayer would not hold a special place today, as I would eventually be praying the whole day as I experience a series of joy, pain, anger, nervousness, pressure, silence  and any emotion that you could probably think of . Would read the newspaper starting page 21 as opposed to the usual page 9. For you know it’s -A Wednesday!

Me being home is another uneventful day of boisterous conversations for Ms and Mrs apartmenties. Warn you - all the Mrs. Khannas, Guptas and Iyers – you better not knock the door this Wednesday. I would not only NOT entertain your worldly genius talks, in turn-could be worst than Dolly Bindra if you still dare knock and spook. For you BETTER know it’s -A Wednesday!

My little monstrous kids – today you are excused from the greens and reds and whites that are stuffed when you are lost in the cartoon network. The food and the Cartoon Network, both will be off the air. Make your arrangements through daddy’s pockets for pizzas and burgers. And if you monsters have a  little heart, leave some tits and bits of the leftovers for mommy dear. Mommy would be off the air from Radio One,laptop,cell and maybe bio-breaks and food -if you both unitedly agree to disagree on food sharing. Afterall, this is not the usual Wednesday!

My dear all time great phone buddies, this Wednesday will be a lull day for the various telecom providers who run into huge profits, thanks only to we woman. As much as good fillers we are for a man’s life, we take the same pride in being equal fillers for the telecom provider’s pockets. But not this Wednesday. Is it even remotely possible that I will not speak on the phone? Trust me-For it’s A Wednesday.

My biggest supporter in my life, without whom I cannot imagine a life at all! Not even a single day goes by when I do not think of you. You flash on my mind the very second I open my eyes to the yet to rise -sunrise. I think of you all day and night, and dread the day, god forbid, I have to live without you. But my dear maid, you are excused this Wednesday. I know cleanliness is next to godliness. But no amount of dirt in the 10 by 10 room that I would be spending the entire day would bother me. As I would be completely lost this Wednesday.

More than a 1000 billion eyes would watch the 2 inch diameter spherical white object every second that it swirls, slides and spins. My heart would be at the center of that spherical object when god steps down to take it to his stride.

And when GOD does so, if all my 10 blue boys say in chorus –Honesty is NOT the best policy, I agree to them. Wholeheartedly.  Only this Wednesday.

McLaz and his F1 race with www. Part 1: Life- The Number Race

Monday Blues kicked. This time detrimentally. So fiction is at its best during such doldrums of the mind.

Let me foray into fiction. For a blog as young as this, it might not meet my dear readers expectations. Neverthless, a try.

Presenting the series of "McLaz and his F1 race with www".

Part 1: Life- The Number Race

Four years of spending time on the college campus, dinner in Hiranandani and movies at Regal Cinemas. Endless night in the Robotics lab and the many walks to Powai lake.  Simply said - love in the air.

That’s Dhruv a.k.a McLaz and Gia for you. A couple who seemed just picture perfect.

Dhruv grew up fantasizing fast cars, races, adventures and arithmatic. Cars, the speed and the numbers were his way of living. His love for F1 went on to procure him the McLaz name by best of his buddies. You guessed it right – coming from the McLaren team. In the realms of possibilities, not one seemed logical to Gia. Yet love blossomed. Just that he remained Dhruv for her. Not to rule out the possibility that pronouncing ‘McLaz’ seemed too intricate for Gia.

Gia on the other hand was one of the little girls with real long silky hair, sparkling eyes, who loved nature, the woods and long walks in the same.

Dhruv’s  rhetorical questions did irk Gia. Yet the tranquility of the nature that she had, kept them going.  Or was it something else in store for her that she embraced the nature of calmness?

What could go wrong with a ‘so much in love’ picture perfect couple? Does -not every cloud have a silver lining? Does one really see GOD when you experience a near death?

To be continued…..

When did you last look at the sky above you?

Don't stare at the laptop/desktop screen.

If the answer is ages - Go have a look. Its surreal.

If the answer is yesterday  - Dream less and work more ;)

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Thanks Mridul for the spark ;)

The topsy turvy world

How would you feel if…

You went to an exam hall and the answers are given. You need to write the questions.

Cricket field.  11 Batsmen batting.  1 Bowler. No fielder. Audience – You tell me?

Slept on the sky. Looked at the earth below and pissed and poohed.

The rocket went deep into the center of earth. Landed. Found aliens who will evolve. To humans to   GODS once they reach the top of the earth.

Planes landed on the sky and you disembark on the stars.

Americans begged the PM of India – Can you increase the quota for H1 visa so that Americans can come to India to learn maths and work in IT industry?

Russsians come to India to study rocket science.

Katrina Kaif/Aamir Khan begged you to give them once chance to prove his/her worth.

All software engineers get internationally international trips to moon for business meetings.

Hollywood stars flew to India to beg you to watch their movies.

The kingfisher air hostesses sat next to you on the flight all night.(For males and lesbains only)

Men cooked , cleaned and baby sat the kids. Women watched cricket and read newspaper all day.

The sun never rises and the moon never sets.

I could sleep all day and get paid $2,00,000 a year.

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Stop reading and dreaming

The Miserably Failed Pied Piper

It’s fun to watch your kids perform on stage! Feels so vibrant and effervescent.  I loved my brat perform to ‘Chak de!’ As much as I liked it for his moves, also loved the patriotism that the song brought in! Ask a Doon school kid about patriotism and one’s heart spurs out. My boy seemed a pied piper to me, who could make me dance so easily when he was there up on the stage!

Reverse situation – the vibrancy and effervescence is lost! (Atleast -so was in my case)

Over a month, I was preparing for my stage show and as the day neared, I was so excited about it! In my enthusiasm, I asked my brat :  

“Beta- Do you look forward to see Mama on stage?”

“Ohhh..Mom…Pls. You females are all so boring. Give me cricket any day to dance”

“Well..you don’t love your Mom! Sigh! “

“Mom—please don’t bug me”

On the day of the show, hubby dear had to make the little brat sit in front of the podium. Not becox my brat wanted to watch Mommy dear perform, but becox father dear could not leave the kid wander without parental attention! Why are rules so strict out in New Jersey, rather the west?

With hands cluttered on his cheeks and beating himself onto his head, my kiddo tried to put up to the dance show boredom as he kept dragging himself with time.

His drag time was further aggravated when the audience applauded “Once more…Once more!!!”

Another 20 minutes of performance and a heavy toll on my brat.

Post the performance, gasping out of breath I asked him – “Beta –did you like the dance?”

“Mom – you are better cooking in the kitchen. To me it seemed like a BIG FAT rat dancing to the pied piper”

“And who was the pied piper?”

“The miserably failed pied piper. The hubby who could only flute but could not put the BIG RAT down the valley ”

Ahem!

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Aren't married men pied pipers who always want to get their wives(RATS) down the valley? But in vain...

Thanks a ton, my dear readers

My Dear Readers,

My blog baby has been 10 days old and 10 posts old now. Would not have been here without the motivation from each and everyone of you. Taking time off in this machine world and reading a writing from a new kid on the blog means a lot to Minu. Each day, as you got to me with comments, feedbacks and curious questions - It gave me the enthusiasm and the energy to keep going. Seems satire to say all this, but ask me how I tumbled up and down everytime I made my mind to write the next post.

As much as I appreciate you reading this, I request you to please spend few mins of your radar. Means a ton to me! I wish I could acknowledge each one with credits to your names, but for the intrusion of privacy

How I wish could bond over Koffe with my dear readers! Do I hear a Yes,let's do it sooooon??

Cheers,
Minu

Money Money on the Wall(Street), who’s the richest of them all?

PS: This is a Satire and spoof post

Machon: Ofcourse Bill gates!   Why ask the question? Next in line is Warren Buffet! Upcoming  Mark Zuckerberg

Minu: Let’s talk of people on Indian soil

Machon: Should be your own state CM-Yeddy. Has he left any soil untouched??

Minu: True, Can’t  beat that.

Machon: Nira Radia-She did know what and how to talk? Unlike most women! Britishers still ransack us, dude! 

Minu: Bet on A Raja. Raja ki Barat gayee Tihar jail mein. He indeed used his frequency of the mind while allocating the frequency allocation licenses.

Machon: Ramalinga Raju – Cheating 6 million shareholders. I don’t even know how many zeros that means!

 Minu: Harshad Mehata ? – Big Bull of our Wall street!

Machon: How could you forget your IT czars – Azim Premji, Narayan Murhty ,Shiv Nadar?

Minu: Priyanka chopra-they keep all the taxes to themselves – ehhh?

Machon: Sukhbir Singh – Gifting that chopper to prospective son-in-law? And then eventually chop each other for those votes! Lol!

Minu: Well…..all spoooof

Machon: In that case it should be your brother in law (Jr B Mahagaonker). You so much admire him for having given you the foundation of your career and otherwise too. Else you would be writing blogs from ages, which no one reads, anyways

Minu: True. Brownie points to you on that. That maketh me say: it’s my little brats –Yash and Rishi who  the richest of all! They have banked their little hearts in my heart and trust it to be safe forever J

Immortal love

Admirer : I love you a ton!  
Minu: That’s an infatuation

Admirer: It’s been 2 years, I continue to love you

Minu: Crazy U, I told you n times, I am happily married  

Admirer: Love has no boundaries

Minu: I am happy in my married boundaries

Admirer: One fine day you will reliaze my love for you

Minu: Foolishness has no boundaries, its termed crazy

Admirer: I would rather be labelled foolish for loving an intelligent and smart lady like you

Minu: From when did men start understanding smartness? Beauty and sex is the only thing your gender knows! Which is no way me!

Admirer: What’s wrong in sex? It’s a thing of sheer beauty!

Minu: Beauty for me lies in writing

Admirer: I love your writings as much as I love you. BTW - Why do you write?

Minu: Good flirting and flattering- Shoooo!

Admirer: Come on – Tell me -You write to feel good? To express yourself?

Minu: No

Admirer: For money? Ahhh-Remember your line –Fuck everything else, I need money,money,money! Minu:NOOO

,

Admirer: Then what’s the adrenaline rush to write?  Fame? Power? Recognition?

Minu:NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You would not understand. Not every action needs to be profitable or material associate!

Admirer: That’s why exactly I love you and will continue to love you

Minu: Shows how zilch your brain power is,that is- if you have one!

Admirer: You love to break hearts. My innumerous flight tickets keep getting booked in a fictionary world and I travel only virtually to meet you with the platinum ring that awaits your hands. Yet you so stone hearted ??

Minu: I am selfish, rude, cynical and a stone of extreme boredom- Koffee and books are my love than those shiny metals. The door’s on the right. Thank you

Admirer: Never say die. Everything I do, I shall do for you.

Minu: I am an immovable boulder. Will move to get you on the police radar, though. Need be.

Admirer: Yeah, now that you an AVP – you have become more influential and loaded with euros and dollars! Your title has brought an attitude in you, reflects badly! You shall be a loner up there! And then you will think of me. I still will be there for you!

Minu: AVP? Asshole Vetoed Person?   

Admirer: Nothing’s gonna change my love for you. Can you just give me one single day to prove my worth to you? Just one day, that’s all I ask!

Minu: Neither a day, nor a say!  But I can give you one thing for sure – This post!


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This is per your request - admirer! Respect and love sit on opposite banks of the river. I respect every individual. Love- Not sure if I have loved myself enough so far. Have gathered courage to put in this post for that respect or blog promotion,whatsoever you call. Selfish Stone?

Ways to take revenge on a woman::

·         Sending her to a changing room without a mirror in it

·         Where did that single chin and tucked tummy go away?

·         Leave some baby roaches in her kitchen cabinets

·         Your baby aein’t  the boy of this generation

·         I see…your hubby works as a Senior Manager! (Only!)

·         The house needs interiors at the earliest

·          Time for you to drop western clothes

·         What did you do on your 33^rd birthday? -In a big gathering

·         When did you last visit the beauty parlor?  Take an appointment at the earliest!

·         This is a cost of quality analysis for tomorrows presentation (And not a cooking recipe for your kitty party!)

·         You’re in laws are the bestest of the people on this earth

·         My hubby dear gave me a platinum ring on my birthday

·         You know what the main impetus of budget 2011 was?

·         To swirl the wine, is an art.

The endless wait…….

A mother – Her baby in this world.

Cricket audience - 1 ball 2 runs.

An employee – Salary. Never to come promotion and raise

Passenger – Pray for a hot chick/hunk next to me

Student – Exam results

Farmer –Good harvest

Trader – Nifty points

Actor – Oscar award

Writer –Booker prize

Woman-Shopping

Man –Sex

Minu- Comments on blog posts : )

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Thanks, Arjun - for the refinements :)

The Thirsty Crow

The crow was thirsty

The crow saw a pitcher

The pitcher was half filled with water, where in the crow’s beak could not reach

The crow saw some pebbles besides the pitcher

The crow picked one pebble and hit the lower part of the pitcher  a few times

Water started flowing from the broken part of the pitcher

The crow drank the water and flew happily

Moral: Don’t work hard, work smart

© :Minu

Please respect the copyright

An honest confession

·         I get up at 5:30am every day. Sunday – no barring, whatsoever

·         30 mins Yoga, 30 mins walk, 30 mins stretches. Sparingly any breaks

·         Diligently cook healthy hygiene varieties of food and pack lunch for brat boys

·         Totally dedicated to work at office. No water cooler discussions. No Tea breaks. Lunch –strictly by desk. No bitch talks

·         Back home- lay a 5 course meal for the brats. I eat after all done. I clean the kitchen

·         Late evenings- Chat rooms – Strict No No No

·         Late night Porn – Oh come on…never never never!

I lie

How many months?

Months post my first delivery, my awful protruding tummy decided not to part from me. Guess- Nine months with me and my tummy loved me for all the nutritious food I had caressed it with. Years after my delivery I continued to still look as if I was still carrying and in my peak of pregnancy! This lead to me being in embarrassing situations! Or so I thought?

Trrrrr…Trr..Trrr….pulls the auto from the auto stand. “Jayanagar sir?” – I asked and on his positive nod, I got onto it. His rash driving got me on to my toes, so I mildly requested him – “Can you please drive a bit slowly? Pat come’s the reply….”OkOk I understand” . What did he understand? Ohh ok...He sure was thinking....”How many months?”

I had to catch a flight from New Jersey to Dallas enroute Chicago. The long wait at the stop over took a heavy toll on my face. As I was putting the baggage on the weighing machine, the lady at the check-in counter said – “Mam – Steve shall help you with the baggage” Now this was a rare service to come in from a country known for self-help even for VVVIPs. I wondered –why for me? Did my face show the tiredness? Ok dear lady – did not take me too long to realize the thought of your mind- “How many months?”

Post joining work in a mid-size consulting company, I asked my managers –On what basis was I selected? My manager said – “I liked your determination towards work. When you asked that-If there is a position for an on-going project as you would not prefer being on bench, it displayed you utter sincerity even at this stage” Stage? What stage? I wondered and pondered and kept wondering, until my dear tummy answered me! Thank you my protruding tummy – I got a job because of you! Can you stay with me till I get my first promotion too? Let them pamper me as they discuss in their vivacious circle –“How many months?”

One fine afternoon, I was on bus ride and the lovely lady sitting next to me sacrificed her seat in exchange of my standing place. I felt obliged and took a while to understand why would she offer her seat to me? My eyes scrolled down to my ever-green protruding tummy and out came the answer! Fine – if you get me a seat – I will feed you well! Let the world continue to have the curiosity towards –“How many months?”

Few weeks before, I visited my ex-roomie. I was meeting her after 5 long years. As the family boys were comforting in the living room, my darling friend took me to her master bedroom. ‘Maybe she wants to show her wedding album, I guessed’. Bad guess! She took out the designer clothes and said – “Minu, with this on, you should be able to breathe well during these days, its important you see” Lol! She was displaying her various maternity wear from ‘Mom &Me’ Ahem! Pout came the much awaited question –“How many months?”

Last week I went for a college re-union. I spotted some new faces, young and beaming! I was in my usual self with my friends and continued to enjoy my drink and conversations until a young chick came up to me and said “Excuse me” I looked back and smiled. She returned my smile in an appeasing manner and continued – “Pleased don’t mind, you do not know me, but I know you very well. I am seated over there with my friends and we were discussing about you. About the time you used to spend with Vivek at Powai lake and have heard so much about your dream project”.

“Hmmmm…Yeah---A project which remained a dream forever” – I thought to myself. Though somewhere in my heart there was a sense of little prideness beaming inside me. Atleast my juniors think my project was good! Inspite of the fact that I hated the mention of Vivek and Powai lake, I put up a nice face and said –“So something about the project you want to know?”
“Not at this point. Actually it’s a Boys Vs girls bet –and I have put a good deal on the bet-You mind sharing with us –“How many months”?

Over the last years 6 years- my answer continues to be 6 months!!!

Minu OR Mini OR M…?

Year:2000
Addressed as: Minu
Gender: Female
Status: Single
Location: Mumbai
Mornings: Coffee-Yeww...wazz that?
Sports: Can’t sleep without a day of BasketBall and TableTennis
Career Goal: Architecture (Hiranandani, powai – fascinated me a lot)
Personality- A person full of gusto, highly ambitious and sky was the limit


Year: 2010
Addressed as:Mini
Gender:Female
Status:Married
Location:Bangalore
Mornings:Koffee..Woohooo!!, I need you more than anyone else in my life!
Sports: Cricket(With the cluster of boys at home- Is there a choice?)
Career Goal : Software -Investment Banking(Money is needed, can’t think of fascinations now)
Personality: F*** everything else, I need money, money, money

The later part is what I am post my nuptials. Everything changed, except for the gender (Thankfully!!) These were the physical attributes that altered. Was there any transformation within? Does the epitome of marriage make one subdued? Or rather-otherwise? OR in reality – is it the age followed by the responsibilities that creep in that brings the changes and not wedlock as such? OR – I came out of a more fictitious world to a real age drama with saga engulfed?

As I type this -my ever notorious brats come in squishing each other, violently fighting as they uproar in unison – “See….Mama..See Mama…..”

Minu or Mini is all a bygone with time…its Mama that prevails and I love it this way. I love you, Mama

My tryst with Radio one -94.3

I am a girl. I talk and talk and talk and talk. Ok – I take it back. I am a woman and I talk invariably.
So what’s in store for a tech woman on the Frequency modulation Radio one 94.3? Rightly interpreted – Yes it’s about the perfect pair of [Woman+Talk] that took me to the studios of Radio One

Part 1-The expedition

I hate Bangalore traffic, goes thy say. Unlike in my case. Bizarre? Cynical? Breathe deep for a moment- please. I say this because of the innumerous things I can catch up on my long commute to work and what my explorer world gave to me in return. Long story cut short: I switched to Radio one-94.3. That was the only option – as any regional music can seldom grab my attention.

So for readers who have heard the prankster MJ Prithvi (TheMusic Jockey known for his baritone voice as much as for his Birthday Bakras and Morning doses)
Following were my lines for the (bold and underlined words) in the ‘Line Maro’ contest which lead me to the studios:

1. No matter which season it is- my wife remains the same all the time –Unbearable
2. It’s the season of cricket, so dare to take the bat, helmet on and spin a googly on your wife’s face
3. This season I have taken a decision, to go on an unattempted mission, lemme see if God says – “Sau khoon maf, Minu” –for all fair reasons
4. Marriage is the only game, where all men love to lose
5. Only if men were intelligent, god would not have created women
6. A cycle and a wife, both need to be pumped heavily for productivity
7. A barking dog and a woman’s voice, both are at its best when ignored
8. My wife does not scream, it’s just that her voice is so
9. Machali jal ki rani hai aur Minu, dharti ki (Line Maro for the word ‘Fish’)
10. If Prithvi is a fish, I would love to be a fisherwoman
11. Only death can stop men for from fishing for hot chicks
12. The only man left with intelligence on this earth is the one reading this, rest all are women
13. Given a lifetime, men never understand women, becox women are blessed with intelligence and men with sexual desires
14. God asked what you want – Beauty or Intelligence? I said Beauty – as men are not smart enough to understand intelligent women
15. What use is of men having muscles, when they are all afraid of their wife?
16. My sales manager makes me say “Bus Karo Bus” when he oversells a product
17. My boyfriend is a stone of extreme boredom
18. My money saving style – send your wife to her parents place and maintain her there
19. Late for a date? No sex for a year after marriage

I received a t-Shirt with my winning line printed on it – which till date, lies blissfully and neatly folded in my cupboard. I wonder how my pyara desi crowd would react if I wear to flaunt this T- with such a punch line printed in Big, Bold and Beautiful on the front side of the T? The winning line reads -

‘Sheila pehle jawan hoti to Muni itni badnam nahi hoti’

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Up Next –Part II: Co-hosting breakfast show with Prithvi on 94.3 (Jan 27 2011)

What’s my UID? (Unique identification) –who am I?

Today, I got an offer from a leading investment bank and it stated that ‘The offer and your employment is subject to: Submission of PAN card, Address proof, Nationality proof, Education check, Employment check and so on’. These, precisely define my identification today
So much to authenticate my identification? Fortunately, I did not need so much identification to open my eyes in this beautiful world

A week before I attended a road show from a leading consulting giant organization. The feedback forms asked for my linkedin and twitter account, apart from my mail and cell number, ofcourse. The organization set these parameters to know me, shortlist me and stay connected with me for their product marketing and eventually use me as their beaming sales calculator. Quite identification for the number game

Few years down the line, I am being optimistic about having my UID- Thanks to our great visionary- Nandan Nilekani. In the interest of writing , let me presume – in years to come – the UID will also start getting linked to hotmail, gmail,ymail, rocketmail,Inmail, outmail or any of the ‘male’ that gets inadvertently or advertently invented by then.
Then, my offer would predominately seek my UID and so will the road show feedback Form? May? May not? Will? Definitely will? And the UID will take a prominence in my identification over all other paper documents

Back in the mid nineties my little teenager sis asked me if I could create an email account for her (email w as just picking up then)
“Sure thing, dearie. You intend to write mails and get connected with your friends?” –I asked
Prompt came the reply- “No-very unlikely that any of my friends have an email account. It’s just that -It feels good to have an email identification”
Few years before that, she had taken pride in having a bank account for herself and that she had our own identification through a bank account number

If I were to go back to my growing up years – my identification varied in the form of my birth certificate, then an SSC certificate, HSC certificate, degree certificate, employment certificate, passport, marriage certificate and eventually will lead to a senior citizen certification and an ultimatum death certificate.
At every stage I need these so called certificates for my identification to get a task accomplished; else I lose the game of life and eventually there is no obligation of identification

On a note of introduction, few people would take great pride in introducing and identifying themselves to be from the premier ’I’ institutes or kith and kin of the most prominent people in the industry (either crickets or politicians or bollywood). Are they indeed what they identify themselves to be?

Did these identifications or Will the empowering UID really identify me? Will it tell the prospective employer or anybody for that matter -Who am I? Will this authentication means represent real facts of me? Tons of budgets would go in procuring the UID for me. I could, by all means – still get an identity by misrepresentation of the basics by overcoming all checks against a base database. Who am I? – Can it be authenticated through a 12-digit number? Real knowledge of a person can be gained only through experience. A person can proclaim to be what he is, can represent any facts on this evergreen e-world, But – A real litmus test to know anybody is through time well spent. NO UID or SSN on this earth will unearth a person’s true identification, nothing could replace the time you spend with the person to know the authentic him/her.
So what’s my identity?

As said, let’s leave it to time we spend with each other. Though I would call myself a simple being, who loves the effortless pleasures of life and has taken akin to blogging. The blog bug has bitten me for the basic reason of freedom of complete expression! Would love to write on nothing specific, but anything in general –could be a breath of fresh air, or a chance encounter or maybe on ‘Is it immoral to seek a bit of unhappiness by a so called deemed unethical way’!

Here’s me….and I would love to have this much interactive platform for UID-You, I and our Deem (rather Deemed thoughts)